I realize that I had started this blog with one intention. I intended to read, and to write what about what I read. That is one of the things that I miss from school. I miss taking the literature classes. I miss reading and then writing my thoughts and feelings down about that particular book. Yes, I sucked at participating in those particular discussions in the class. I guess it's safe to say I'm a really shy person and I tend to kind of hide back and observe, but I learned so much from observing in these classes and I long to do that some more. Unfortunately, I graduated. I moved on, or so I thought. I had hoped this blog would help me fill the odd empty days that I have. But the further into this whole unemployment thing I go, the more I realize that I kind of enjoy not having a particular plan for every single day.
Since I've been little every single day has been planned for me. This sounds super cheesy, great. I was really hoping to avoid the cheesiness. I mean you get into school and your days are shot. You follow the daily schedule and that is that. I then would have those summers where I "enjoyed freedom" and then would long for the daily school schedule by like the day before school (until I realized that I was back in school and then I wanted that "freedom"). It's a constant battle of wanting that "freedom" and wanting that order. Since graduating my life has seemed less scheduled. Yes, I worked a part time summer job that is definitely meant for people younger than me. Yes, that part time job actually consumed a minimum of 40 hours a week for me. Then, the pool closed. People keep telling me that I'm going to go stir-crazy, but I haven't. Not completely, anyway. I guess there are things I wish I was doing. Do I wish that I was spending a full day teaching the same class every single day? At this particular moment in my life I can honestly say that no, I do not want that. Not for this school year anyway. Do I wish I had more plans from time to time? Yes, but I am also working on that aspect. I am working on finding the whole answer to the question, "what do I want to do when I grow up?" That is a question that I can honestly not answer with 100% certainty right now, but I'm looking for the answer.
Now you are probably wondering what in the world I do all day. If you are like my mother (because yes, I still live in my mother's house. Praying Jake finds a unit soon so we can move out. Preferably before Thanksgiving....) you probably think I sit in front of the computer all day and watch tv shows until I am way too excited for the new season to start. Yes, that is part of what I do (but who can HONESTLY say they are not the least bit excited for How I Met Your Mother? I mean honestly, Barney and Robin end up together, so let's just end the whole Quinn joke and move on. Sorry, I do think about these things a lot), but it is not all of what I do each and every day. I spend my day reading, writing a bit (though not on here a lot, but I hope that changes), looking for jobs (not necessarily because I want them at this exact moment but because I am looking for types of jobs that I want and it's always good to know what's available), and just trying to keep up with everything that goes on in this world. I find that I can finally, mostly, relax. I can't remember the last time I felt that I could honestly relax. I am stressed about stuff, yes. I mean I'd like to move out, I'd like to know where we are moving to as well as many other situations, but at the same time I am suddenly oddly calm.
This honestly just happened today. And I think this is how it all happened. I applied for two jobs. Yes, two jobs. Will I get them? I honestly don't know. They are not necessarily full time and permanent, but I think they are a start in finding what I want to do. After I applied for the second job I stopped and realized that I needed to wait. I felt that I was being told to wait and see, because if these do not happen then something else is going to. I have been praying and praying to have some sort of answer, and today that answer came to me. Patience. I know He is telling me to be patient because He is going to take care of me. I have had so many examples of ways that I am blessed because he is taking care of me this last week, and after I found those jobs and applied I knew I could relax. God is going to get me where I need to be, and I strongly and firmly believe that. He is going to get Jake and I to the right place, and right now the right place is my mother's basement while Jake works tons of hours at Vertical. It will all come together, and then new issues will come up. But I know I am not facing them alone.
So at the moment, I am going to sit and wait. I am going to practice patience. I am going to enjoy finally being able to fully relax, for the most part.
So I realize that my original intentions were for this to be like a book review, I love books and you should too sort of blog. But now I'm not sure what it will be. Though I definitely will be throwing some books on here, because books are awesome.
So you might care (or not care) to know what I'm currently reading and why this Monday has been an excellent Monday:
1. I'm reading Sarah's Key. I'm halfway through it and SO in love with it. I would try to describe it to you right now at this exact second but I think you should just look it up because it fabulous. I am really loving historical fiction right now.
2. I am currently in LOVE with The Voice. I think it's just the most clever reality singing show EVER. I may think that some singers aren't the best, but I don't have to sit through any William Hung type of performances. The indie cover of Toxic tonight blew me away (look up Melanie Martinez please on youtube!). She also picked Team Adam right away, and since I'm a bit of a sucker for Adam I was hooked just a little bit more on her. There were some other awesome people on tonight as well!
ohhhh look. Melanie Martinez. I think she is adorable. Amazing girl and only 17!
3. DOWNTON ABBEY. Ok, so I started watching this while the husband was at LDAC. Most addicting British drama EVER. I highly suggest you watch it. Well I was all sad because my mother-in-law had informed me that it had just started in the UK but would be released in the US in like march or something lame like that. Well, I found it on the internet! Go unemployment! I watched it and was so pumped. Seriously, one of the greatest shows ever. Check it out!
4. Did I mention how relaxed I've suddenly become? Who knew that applying for two jobs, the most random jobs at that, would calm me down. I am not 100% confident in getting the job, but I am 100% confident that what I will be doing will find me soon. Maybe now isn't the time. Maybe I will move out to Wyoming and have to start all over. Maybe that would be an awesome thing. I've just come to remind myself today that I need to see what is happening now and look at those blessings. Because I have been blessed, and I know that there is a plan. I'm not just forgotten about. I know that my life is following that plan right at this instant. It is starting to finally make me excited about what is going to come.
I love to end with a song. Lately, I've been obsessed with Ellie Goulding. You can ask Jake. I constantly am jamming to her excellent music, but he loves it and will honestly admit it. But tonight, I'm going to post a song that I've recently fallen in love with (and I'm proud to say I stumbled upon it while NOT listening to the radio). I feel like it's completely relevant with everything that is going on in my life right now. Enjoy.