Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Cringe-Worthy Job Interview

As I continue to apply for jobs and wait for any sort of response I find myself needing to try to take my mind off of things. I can honestly say I've never been so frustrated. I've applied at many places and definitely feel like I'm just getting looked over as nothing. I know that God is in control, but that doesn't always keep my head from stressing me out. I need distractions and hobbies. But I honestly can't think of any sort of hobby to take up, so I figured I would write a bit. And what better way to distract myself than to tell you about the craziest, and worst job interview I have ever experienced. Some of you know the exact details as far as place and such, but I am going to leave that out of this. I do love this particular place, and I think that not getting the job saved me from loathing it. That and it wasn't going to be guaranteed at a full time job, it was temporary, and I would be just barely making minimum wage (pretty big pay cut from basically anything I've done). So here it is...the worst job interview ever (this interview happened about 2-3 weeks ago):

I got to the job interview about 5 minutes early. Every place that I've interviewed at has appreciated me being early, but not too early. Apparently they were caught completely off guard. I was told to wander around the store (ok, that's my only hint....retail) until they were ready for me. So I tried to stay where they could easily see me and tried my hardest not to find anything that I wanted to buy (I failed...but I refused to let myself buy it. I was at a job interview. I needed money to buy this thing. Seemed a bit ridiculous). They finally came to find me, 15 minutes after the interview was supposed to start. I figured that since it was retail they had to deal with customers or whatever, and I didn't want to seem like I was making a stink about it so I just let it be and continued on.

I got into the cluttered office that I was to have my interview in with the manager and assistant manager. They both had the sheet they needed with the questions on it for me as well as a copy of my application, which is what you would expect. Unfortunately, they were dressed as your stereotypical hipster...like to the T. The glasses, the tight pants, the shoes, the plaid shirt...all screamed "I'M A HIPSTER BUT I WON'T ADMIT IT RIGHT NOW!" and it was pretty clear that I did not dress the part.

So the interview starts with the normal small talk. Introduction of names, how are you doing, what have you been up to today, etc. Just typical small talk. I told them my name, that I was doing pretty well, and I told them I just had a delicious Ihop breakfast that morning. Which lead to them asking about the restaurant. Apparently they had never been there. Fact: it is a half mile from the store. It is literally right next to the mall which is also next to the highway. How could you miss it, let alone never have gone there? I mean I'm not a regular, but since living here I've been there twice. They asked me what I ate, which after telling them I had to explain because they seemed to not understand how you could put cheesecake bites in a pancake. They asked me if I liked pancakes (yes...I think my having breakfast at the International House of Pancakes kind of shows that). Then they said "Ok...one more question about the pancake thing before we dive into the interview." I can't quite remember what that question was. Actually, I think it was how often I ate pancakes. Then we dove, headfirst, into the interview.

Question 1: "If you could open up a restaurant what would you name it? What would you serve?"
answer: ummmmmmmmm (this is something that I NEVER think about in my spare time, so the fact that I'm thrown on the spot to answer it was a bit too much for me). Well I really like restaurants that serve a lot of pasta, so I would definitely include that on the menu. I would also have a breakfast menu, because restaurants that serve breakfast are the best (is this seriously coming out of my mouth right now!?!?!? what is going on). As for the name...I'm not sure. That would be something I would put a lot of thought into.

Question 2: "What kind of boss would you be?"
answer: ummm (yes, a shorter um..but an um nonetheless. I was a little confused as to how this was related to the first question. Then I started wondering if this wasn't the job I thought it was... Was I interviewing to be in charge of people and boss people around? I wasn't prepared for that either. I don't think I need to share my answer, because it was a pretty solid answer in my book that involved open communication and such. No word vomit without thought here).

Question 3: "What do you like about people?"
answer: ummmmm (little bit longer of an um. Is this a serious question!?!? What do I like about people? I have no idea. I have had a strange read of the people of this cheese filled state, and though I try to be positive not all my thoughts were positive. I was also coming off of a terrible job with people I had a difficult time working with. I had no idea what to say. Again, no need to share my answer. I think I said something along the lines of I like people who are passionate about what they do, and at that store I would get the opportunity to work with a lot that were passionate about what they were doing and what they were shopping for. Not a terrible answer, but what a weird way to word the question).

Question 4: "What don't you like about people?"
answer: ummmm (again, serious question? At this point I could make a long list about what I don't like about people.What is acceptable to say and what isn't? Well, it's more like where do I draw the line? I honestly don't remember what I said to this question. I had some coherent answer about people who don't communicate maybe? I was in the middle of leaving a job that really sucked at communicating, so that was kind of on the brain).

Question 5: "If you could create a band what would the name be? Who would you have in your band, dead or alive?"
answer: KURT COBAIN!!! (yes...I may have shouted it a little excitedly. That was an answer I was only partially prepared for. I had always said that I would love to have more from Kurt Cobain, so clearly this was the best answer. But...it wouldn't be much of a band with just Kurt Cobain.) Ummmmmm (yes, I started to draw a MASSIVE blank. Like how in the world did I draw such a big blank. I have so many favorite bands and artists, I just would have to pick some that could go with Cobain. It shouldn't be this hard. But I started to like see faces, but no name would come to my mind...or I start a song in my head but have NO CLUE who the song belonged to. Suddenly...a name came to my head ) Elvis! I realize that sounds bizarre but I'd make it work. (What in the world Emily? Seriously. Cobain and Elvis? How in the world would that have ever worked? What are you thinking? Is this because you saw an Elvis record you wanted earlier, because this is unacceptable! There has to be a better answer. There as to be a way to save this...). And...oh the drummer from Blink-182. I can't for the life of me remember his name.....uhm....oh yes, Travis Barker. Again, bizarre combination but I would make it work. (SERIOUSLY EMILY!?!?! Get your head together. What in the world is with this combination. Like...how? I mean you could get the Barker/Cobain thing to work probably but Elvis!?!? I realize you love Elvis, but would you love him like this? As you can tell, I still dwell on the word vomit that came out of my mouth for this answer. If I had been prepared for this question I would have had a better answer. Like telling them that my dream band already exists...and the name is Led Zepplin. Seriously, worst answer ever. And it still haunts me.)

Question 6 (does it really matter? I am pretty sure I blew it with Question 5): "If you could be responsible for any book or book series what would it be and why?"
answer: (oh, I am prepared for this one. This one could SAVE the interview I got this guys! I got this) Harry Potter. I would love to be the one responsible with creating that world and all the characters within it. It's a series that has grown up with it's intended audience and is still doing well to this day. It has been turned into an incredibly movie franchise and I would love to have been the creator of all of that. (Manager: "And you'd be like a trillionaire). Yes...the money would be an added bonus for me. (Come on! How can you get a more sincere and thought out answer? You can't. I answered that question pretty darn well, and I think they were slightly impressed that my reasoning was not just because it was popular. Makes you wonder who they have been interviewing...)

Question 7: "This is going back to the pancake thing before...Have you ever tried Almond flour? You don't have an allergy do you?"
answer: I have not tried it. But I would be up for it if it makes good pancakes. I am not allergic. (SERIOUSLY? This is a question. Clearly these people would not like my baked goods full of butter, sugar, and regular flour.)


If you didn't figure it out, I did not get the job (though I'm pretty sure I said that earlier). I am 100% ok with not getting it. I think that if they are just hiring based off of personality and not work ethic then I'm probably not going to enjoy my time there. I don't need yet another experience where I come home in tears each night. That and I do really like that store, and I think working at it would have destroyed it for me. Oh well. You can't win them all. It was, by far, the most ridiculous interview I have ever had. I was uncomfortable with it the entire time. And it makes me wonder what kind of workers they actually get for this place. I mean if they are hiring based off of personality and not on work ethic, how much actually get accomplished in a day? I mean yes, then you have good customer service (well...maybe) but that's about it. 

Oh well, it's not a big deal. There's obviously another job out there for me. Now if I could just find it that would be great.

And now, a song for your Tuesday morning!

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