Sunday, October 21, 2012

One Day I'll Be Stress Free

An entry or so ago I was talking about my strong belief in the power of prayer. I believe that God answers prayers, all prayers, just not always in the perfect way in which you intend Him to answer them. Lately I've spent a lot of my time praying. There has been so much going on in my life that they only way to deal with it is to turn to God. There's so much going on that I actually want to talk about it, and want to ask anyone who may or may not be reading this a favor (you can ignore this if you are just wanting to read up on me or don't really care, but I thought I could ask this one request)...could you please say a prayer for my family and I as we are trying to figure things out. It's been tough lately and super stressful and it helps to know that I'm not completely alone. It is greatly appreciated if you do, and if you don't I won't really know and won't be offended. So, here's what's been happening:

There's the obvious job search that I've been embarking on. My biggest struggle is not know where we are going to be. Hopefully there will be some army stuff figured out within the next few weeks, but it's so hard to not know. We are still living in my mother's basement and would love to move out and start our own lives. I mean right now even subbing is a bit dead, so I'm praying that something shows up sometime soon. I honestly don't know what to do. I know that turning down that job was the right thing. I can't really tell God He doesn't know what He's talking about, because He does. I just don't know what direction I am going from here. So all of that has been kind of stressful and student loan payments start up soon and I just want to feel like I am capable on contributing. Stress. Bah.

The biggest thing for us lately has been my grandpa. As long as I can remember my grandpa has struggled with depression. He is the type that actually has to be medicated, and not one of those super emotional teens like I was. Pretty sure I never needed the meds they thought about putting me on. Anyway. The fall normally is difficult for him because a lot of my family members happened to die around this time. Like I never fully realized how big it was, but huge. Normally he can pick himself back up, but this time he couldn't. It got to the point where we put him in the hospital for a medication change. Well he's out now, and it's not going much better. He has temporarily moved in to our house (it's getting super crowded here). He is afraid of everything and super paranoid. The medication is not working, and he has gotten to the point where we don't know how independent he can truly be anymore. It's scary. Some of the stuff that scares him is so hard to explain to him. I mean the other day he told me he was in big trouble because he caused a worldwide problem, and he was convinced that it happened. No matter what I said he would not calm down. He seems to think in these instances that I'm too young to understand what's going on, and my aunt had to calm him down. It's gotten to be really hard on our family and we're all just so tired and don't really know what to do anymore. We're hoping and praying to find the best possible option to help him get better. If you have suggestions then please, suggest away.

Those right now are the biggest things right now, and it's like I can't move past them. I feel like I'm completely stuck and can't move forward. I'm praying that soon things turn around. So until that turn around point comes, I'm looking for things to do to kind of keep me feeling positive. Of course actually working for once would help, would it not?

I really like to post songs at the end of things. Not 100% sure why, but it must make me feel better somehow. Enjoy.

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