Thursday, August 22, 2013

Because who needs to sleep at night?

Ok, first...a question. How in the world am I a follower of my own blog? That just seems a bit ridiculous. I guess every so often you have to keep up with what's going on in your own life? Weird. Thanks internet for making it possible for me to follow myself. Awesome.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing here at the moment. My head is kind of spinning and some of it I think needs to be talked through to a human being and not onto the internet for all to see and judge me by. I realize that I seem to tackle the big "what should I do with my life" question a lot lately. And I'm sorry if people get sick of reading all of that. It's just a big thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. I think I need to stay put for now, and see what happens when Jake comes back and what his job situation is going to be. I am starting to feel like I can't get settled again. Like I need to be prepared to move off somewhere else and everything. I honestly don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It's just a thought that's really been tugging at me lately. And I am sure someone is reading this and saying I need to get a full time job and yadda yadda, chill. Please, just chill. I work a lot, and I love what I'm doing. And I'm trying to incorporate it into a live-able situation for now until Jake and I decide what's next, because we may love it here but we need to figure out what our lives look like when he gets home and his next step. Sorry, that was a little rant. I have been getting asked A LOT lately about what I'm going to be doing. It's like it's hard for people to wrap their brains around the fact that I'm doing something right now. I'm not just sitting here all day. I'm not in front of my computer constantly. I'm working, and trying to see what else I can be doing so I'm not sitting here forever.

I'm definitely going back and forth about what I should do to add on to the library job though. I'm definitely thinking of trying to add tutoring into my weekly schedule. With school starting up it may be difficult to get figured out at first, but I think I could make it work. I'm just not sure where to start. So if anyone has any ideas on where to start with it all then that would be a huge help. Thanks. I am also in search of places where I can be a positive role model. One of the hardest things for me to deal with while student teaching was that there were so many kids with terrible home lives and no positive role models in their lives. A teacher can only do so much, because they have 20 some other students that also need their attention. I want to help those kids that need that positive role model. I don't want to get into the middle of any possible messy situations that they may be having with someone in their lives, but I want to help them where I can. I feel just awful when I see kids that are stuck in situations that aren't giving them any chance to move forward with their lives and to become more than what they were born into. I want to help kids like that and to become someone that could be a dependable adult in their lives. That is one of the reasons that I thought going into education would be a good idea, but the further I got into it the more I realized that getting to accomplish that can be the most difficult part because there are so many other aspects of teaching (and so many that I am not able to wrap my head around or agree with at all). I respect those teachers that can accomplish that goal. Seriously, you are amazing people. I just feel like I'm being called on to be more. More than a teacher, if that makes sense. I dunno. I'm still brainstorming (ha, teacher term there eh?). My head is just all over the place.

I really need my husband to be home. I just feel overwhelmed and like I'm not really able to fully settle, if that makes sense. I haven't felt like I've been able to really settle in a long time, and I really want that.

It's crazy to think that summer is nearly over. Though, I'm actually really pumped for these kids to go back to school. You can definitely tell at a library when the parents are ready to get rid of their kids. The book to move ratio of items being returned and requested is definitely completely different than the beginning of the summer. Way more movies. I've really had a good summer, despite Jake being elsewhere. I get to travel a bit to see him (though I can stay the drive is super exciting. It's so boring). I've had so many people helping to make sure that I'm not sitting on my butt being lonely all the time. I've tried new things. I've literally been gone every single weekend for the last 2 months. It's so weird, and though I've loved it I am definitely ready for things to settle down a little bit.

Blech, sorry guys. That sucked. I'll try again tomorrow. I'll maybe tell you something awesome about something cool if that's possible. I've just got a lot on my mind today, and this has helped a little bit I guess.

I'll end with a song. Because that is the best way to end a blog. Especially one that is basically word vomit.
Because for some reason I can't stop listening to this song. I mean I've liked it for awhile, but man.

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