HOME STRETCH!!!!!

Oh Hi there. Long time to see?
Before I start, this is just something that is on my mind that I need to share. So even though that's the main point of it all I also am attempting to try to blog again...at least a little more than I do now? So, slightly personal but also an attempt to get myself back into writing attempts...Just want it to be completely and totally clear before I dive right in with everything. Because this has been on my mind lately, and I feel like I need to clear the air a bit in a way and to share this as well. I think it's something worth sharing.

Anywho...

I just spent the last couple of days with my husband. He had a long weekend down at BOLC so we made the plans for me to take today off and to spend Friday-Monday down there. Lots of driving on Friday and Monday, but all worth it. It was a really great weekend. Seriously. I haven't actually spent time with him since Labor Day weekend, and that weekend was not just me and him that often. It was shared with a lot of family members, which I am totally ok with because I know he wanted to see them all too. But this past weekend was mostly just us, with the occasional hanging out with some buddies of his which is cool. Great weekend. Definitely the pick-me-up that I needed to get me through the home stretch (WE'RE ON THE HOME STRETCH GUYS!!!!!!! In 25 days we'll be done with the two states for long periods of time thing...I hope. But who's counting?). But, of course, I got pretty weepy towards the end because I honestly didn't want to leave. It's one of those crazy moments where you've been apart from someone you are so close to for a while that you kind of easily get back into the way things were. Like we can keep joking all we want about not being used to having the other one around, but I know that I at least got used to it fast and got pretty upset when it had to end. And I tend to get upset a lot when it has to end. Over the past 5ish months I have seen him 3 times. It's hard. But, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about how I approach this situation and what I've been taking out of it.

I know there are people dealing with situations much harder than this. I mean, we've been just tackling 5 months where we are able to talk fairly regularly and we have been able to see each other a couple of times. I know that as far as situations with military families go, this is one of the more ideal ones. I totally get that. And I am amazed at the strength of those that have to deal with longer separations with little to no communications. Seriously, you all are amazing. So strong. I can't even imagine. I admire that strength. But, that doesn't mean that this situation isn't hard on a person either. Just in a different way. And it is something I would be dealing with in a complete and total different way if the communication were less or the time apart was longer. You go about all of these situations differently I think, and in all honesty I think I've been doing pretty well on this one. Could I have done better, yes. But I could have also done worse.

I am just amazed at everything that has happened over the past few months. At least for me personally, because I can't completely speak for him. These past few months have been so much proof of how God uses situations like this to work on something in us that we didn't really think was an issue. I don't really want to go into detail because the issues I've been working on are more personal to me, but I have seen such an improvement just in the quality of days that I have been having and the amount of stress that I have been experiencing as well. If you know me well enough, you know that I stress. A lot. I've gotten so stressed about things that my hair literally starts to fall out. It's ridiculous. But over the past year even I have seen proof of God providing for us in our lives, especially if I just throw all those worries and cares and stresses over to Him. I mean we have a great deal on a HOUSE to rent (we are actually paying just slightly more than we did for a teeny, tiny one bedroom apartment during school. It's awesome). He provided me with a job opportunity when I was feeling a bit desperate. And it was a job opportunity out of the blue that I did not expect, and I absolutely love it. He has provided us with funds and we have never fully gone without. It's amazing what faith in Him can do, and these few months I feel mine getting stronger and stronger, and I think that this situation is a huge part of it. I think that by putting Jake and I in different states for a few months I found that I needed to really have faith that it'll all work out, and so far it has. I dunno, I just feel like after this weekend I have seen some really cool things in our lives that probably only could have really worked if we were apart. It kind of is weird to think about, but it's also really reassuring that God had this in mind the whole time.

Of course, I still have some time left of being apart. But I am so interested to see just what will happen with me personally in that time. I'm interested to see just where God takes us from here. And I can't wait to be done with the separation stuff. Because honestly, it's been so long since we have been in the same state for a month straight.

So basically, I just felt that this was really worth sharing. I know I complain about being alone. I get lonely, it happens. I still don't 100% like this situation at all. It's not in my top 10 most awesome moments of my life. Not even close, but there's always something to learn from each and every situation. There's always something that God has in mind for you during the good and the bad. And I don't mean to throw my opinions and beliefs in your face in any way. I can't stand when people do that, because doing that will not convince any one to more to your side. I am just stating facts. Vague facts about what has been going on in my life during something that has not been easy on me at all. I would love to talk about it more, so feel free to ask or something like that. If you think it's a bunch of bologna, then I'm sorry. I just really wanted to share. I am just amazed and what God can do for me, even through all my tears.

Songs I can't ever skip (Summer 2013 edition)

Maybe I should make my own separate playlist of just these songs. Though I don't know how that would go. Would I never be able to listen to anything else? I'd definitely have to listen to the entire thing. These are songs I just can't ever seem to skip this summer when they come up on my Spotify. 

Amy Winehouse- You Know I'm No Good

She had an incredible voice and incredible talent. It's really too bad the way her life went. But this song is awesome.

M83- Midnight City

I feel bad for you if you haven't listened to this song yet, because you don't know the awesomeness that you are about to experience by hitting play.

Lorde- Royals

How in the world is this girl only 16? Seriously. This song may be getting overplayed on the radio at the moment, but its too good not to play.

Avicii- Wake Me Up

This song is just awesome. I can't get enough of it.

Daft Punk- Get Lucky and Instant Crush

I have loved this song since the album came out, actually a little before that. So good. So catchy, and if its ever on I'm jamming along with it. Nice work Daft Punk and Pharrell.

Instant Crush is also fantastic. This album in general is pretty good, but I love this song as well.

Anything JT

Seriously, how can you resist this voice? Oh, that's right, you can't.

Robin Thicke- Blurred Lines (ahhh so terrible)

Seriously, this song is raunchy. I don't recommend listening to it if you don't want to hear a raunchy song or watch girls parade around looking pretty stupid in all honesty. But the song is so catchy. Pharrell does it again.

Ellie Goulding- Burn

I am in love with this song. This is how you do a party song (yes, I'm talking to you Miley Cyrus). It's so catchy, and I can't help but dance around to it.

Civil Wars- The One that Got Away

This album in general is fantastic, but this song is amazing. I love these guys and am so glad that made another album

ZZ Ward- Put the Gun Down

Her voice is awesome.

AWOLNATION- Sail

I really don't know why I like this song, but I do. Don't question it please.

Capital Cities- Safe and Sound

I also don't quite get why I like this song (besides it being awesome).

Imagine Dragons- Radioactive

This song is awesome. I can't believe I almost forgot it. Stupid, stupid me.

It seems I included a fairly wide range of songs (though I may have skipped a few genres, but oh well). 

Happy end of summer everyone! Enjoy the last few days of it.

Because who needs to sleep at night?

Ok, first...a question. How in the world am I a follower of my own blog? That just seems a bit ridiculous. I guess every so often you have to keep up with what's going on in your own life? Weird. Thanks internet for making it possible for me to follow myself. Awesome.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing here at the moment. My head is kind of spinning and some of it I think needs to be talked through to a human being and not onto the internet for all to see and judge me by. I realize that I seem to tackle the big "what should I do with my life" question a lot lately. And I'm sorry if people get sick of reading all of that. It's just a big thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. I think I need to stay put for now, and see what happens when Jake comes back and what his job situation is going to be. I am starting to feel like I can't get settled again. Like I need to be prepared to move off somewhere else and everything. I honestly don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It's just a thought that's really been tugging at me lately. And I am sure someone is reading this and saying I need to get a full time job and yadda yadda, chill. Please, just chill. I work a lot, and I love what I'm doing. And I'm trying to incorporate it into a live-able situation for now until Jake and I decide what's next, because we may love it here but we need to figure out what our lives look like when he gets home and his next step. Sorry, that was a little rant. I have been getting asked A LOT lately about what I'm going to be doing. It's like it's hard for people to wrap their brains around the fact that I'm doing something right now. I'm not just sitting here all day. I'm not in front of my computer constantly. I'm working, and trying to see what else I can be doing so I'm not sitting here forever.

I'm definitely going back and forth about what I should do to add on to the library job though. I'm definitely thinking of trying to add tutoring into my weekly schedule. With school starting up it may be difficult to get figured out at first, but I think I could make it work. I'm just not sure where to start. So if anyone has any ideas on where to start with it all then that would be a huge help. Thanks. I am also in search of places where I can be a positive role model. One of the hardest things for me to deal with while student teaching was that there were so many kids with terrible home lives and no positive role models in their lives. A teacher can only do so much, because they have 20 some other students that also need their attention. I want to help those kids that need that positive role model. I don't want to get into the middle of any possible messy situations that they may be having with someone in their lives, but I want to help them where I can. I feel just awful when I see kids that are stuck in situations that aren't giving them any chance to move forward with their lives and to become more than what they were born into. I want to help kids like that and to become someone that could be a dependable adult in their lives. That is one of the reasons that I thought going into education would be a good idea, but the further I got into it the more I realized that getting to accomplish that can be the most difficult part because there are so many other aspects of teaching (and so many that I am not able to wrap my head around or agree with at all). I respect those teachers that can accomplish that goal. Seriously, you are amazing people. I just feel like I'm being called on to be more. More than a teacher, if that makes sense. I dunno. I'm still brainstorming (ha, teacher term there eh?). My head is just all over the place.

I really need my husband to be home. I just feel overwhelmed and like I'm not really able to fully settle, if that makes sense. I haven't felt like I've been able to really settle in a long time, and I really want that.

It's crazy to think that summer is nearly over. Though, I'm actually really pumped for these kids to go back to school. You can definitely tell at a library when the parents are ready to get rid of their kids. The book to move ratio of items being returned and requested is definitely completely different than the beginning of the summer. Way more movies. I've really had a good summer, despite Jake being elsewhere. I get to travel a bit to see him (though I can stay the drive is super exciting. It's so boring). I've had so many people helping to make sure that I'm not sitting on my butt being lonely all the time. I've tried new things. I've literally been gone every single weekend for the last 2 months. It's so weird, and though I've loved it I am definitely ready for things to settle down a little bit.

Blech, sorry guys. That sucked. I'll try again tomorrow. I'll maybe tell you something awesome about something cool if that's possible. I've just got a lot on my mind today, and this has helped a little bit I guess.

I'll end with a song. Because that is the best way to end a blog. Especially one that is basically word vomit.

Because for some reason I can't stop listening to this song. I mean I've liked it for awhile, but man.

One of my newest favorite movies.

I am no movie expert, in any means. I watch good movies, but I watch a ton of bad movies as well. But if there's one movie I think that people should watch...it's Warm Bodies.

Yes, this movie. No, I have not read the book (I really want to, but I haven't had the chance yet) but I find the movie hilarious. Here's the basics of it: Massive zombie apocalypse. Many people are zombies, but there is the stereotypical organize group of humans that is trying to win the whole thing. The main character's name is R, a zombie. He has friends, if you can consider two zombies to be friends, and the entire movie is narrated through his mind (hilarious). Basically he falls in love with a human and becomes more and more human every day.

Here's what I like that movie. First off, the main character is an awesome actor. He also plays Beast in the newer X-Men movies and he's pretty good. In fact, the entire cast is pretty good and for the most part they aren't that well known. This movie plot is pretty cheesy, and they do well with it.

There are some really interesting concepts in it that kind of make you think more about the zombie end of the whole zombie apocalypse thing (because as you are fighting for your life against zombies you really need to know what the zombies are going through and make decisions based off of that, right?). For instance, you get to hear why these particular zombies like to eat brains. They gain more than just a tasty treat from it, and it was a little cool and something different. Seeing it all from a zombie's perspective is different in general, which is probably another reason why I like it.

Another thing, inner monologue. This guy is kind of funny. It's probably one of the most honest inner monologues ever, at least to me anyway. I feel like I talk very similar to him in my head so maybe that's my connection with it. The amount of times he tries to not be creepy as a zombie is pretty funny. Also, watching a zombie become human again is pretty funny.

In general this movie is a pretty fun movie. It's pretty light-hearted and something you could watch multiple times. It's one of those movies that I could have on while doing other things but still know what's happening. Like I said, not a movie expert, but this has been one of my recent favorites and I definitely splurged a little bit and bought it for myself so I could watch it whenever I wanted. This movie is different, and kind of picks fun of the zombie apocalypse without being ridiculous. Love could definitely end the zombie apocalypse.

Now if only I could get my hands on the book.

So I don't like snakes. Big deal

There seems to be so much seriousness going on these days, and I feel like I should lighten the mood with things that happen to me, or things that pop into my head, that distract me from things such as offensive magazine covers or people who can't learn that protesting does nothing.

Today I had a preschooler confess their love for me. Awkward, yes. What makes it even more awkward was that he was in trouble at swimming lessons. He was swimming away from the wall when we had clearly told him that he needed to be at the wall with the class. When I brought him back to the wall (apparently I'm just that great of a swimming teacher where I can teach him to swim away from the wall but not towards it?) I was asking him where he was supposed to be. Instead of telling me where he was supposed to be he leans in and goes "I love you". Now this kid is an affectionate kid from what I can see, but I had to take a step back. I repeated the question multiple times asking him where he needed to be, and he continued to tell me he loves me. Eventually I gave in and gave him the answer and he immediately stopped telling me he loved me and said "Ohhhh." Really? Really? You swam away from the wall telling me "I'm not at the wall!!" Goodness. Preschoolers these days.

I also had to face my fears today. Mice and Snakes. Not at the same time, and honestly I really should grow up and get over it. The mouse story is an interesting story, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, so we'll just go with my irrational fear of snakes. Ok, I guess the fear isn't irrational. They're super creepy, and if it's poisonous it can easily kill you. Not a terrible thing to be frightened of, right? Well the fact that I was on edge because they were in the same building as me is a bit more irrational. There was a reptile and amphibian zoo at the library today for the summer reading program, and as I heard all those kids ohhh and ahhh over snakes, I cringed. I didn't even see a single one, yet I was freaked out the entire time. I just really don't like snakes.

My next topic....Miley Cyrus and her stupid new song. First off, I heard it on the radio today and it has been stuck in my head ALL day. Seriously, the most frustrating thing ever. The song is terrible. I mean honestly, Miley can't even think of a more creative way to tell all her "haters" that she can say whatever she wants because "it's her mouth and she can say what she wants to." Not sure if that's a direct quote, but meh. Also, why are people shaking their butts like they're in a strip club? The only strip clubs I've seen are the tv/movie versions but I'd rather not think of people do that. I guess I just don't understand a song that says "we like to party" and all the ways you like to party. Seriously, be more creative. My bad, I guess I'm just one of the haters. But according to your song that doesn't matter because someone else loves you, so thats good. I'm glad you have someone else Miley.

Bieber. Yes, my next thought is Bieber. All I have to say is, I told you so. He's become quite the stinker, and I totally saw it coming (yes, I said stinker. I don't want to be cursing and such. That's wrong. I leave that one up to the Biebs).

And that is pretty much it. That's what I've been thinking about all day (or what's happened to me). I find it to be a nice break from reality, because I really don't care to think about what's going on in my life at this time. And now I'm going to attempt to sleep another night during a heat advisory. Portable AC, please keep me cool.

Maybe next time I write it'll be something cooler, and more creative and thoughtful. We'll see.

Where do I go from here?

Well, hello there. Anyone who's reading this is more than welcome to have any input, because in all honestly my brain hurts and I'm not completely capable of making decisions or thinking at this time. Also, my eye lid is swollen, but I suppose that has nothing to do with any of this. As those that know me personally know, my husband is at engineer school (139 days left!) and this leaves us in different states (though not too far apart, I could easily drive there in a day, and it would be much more enjoyable if the drive were interesting the WHOLE way and not just part of the way). This has definitely been hard on me so far (in all honesty, the last few days leading up to it were rough and today has been hard) but I know I need to keep trucking on and just counting down those days. We're obviously apart for a reason at this moment (minus the obvious which is engineer school) and I'm really working on trying to figure that out.

One of the things that has really been on my mind the past few days is what to do with my life. I really like my library job. I love it actually, which is one of the reasons I stayed put. I knew that as a library assistant I couldn't exactly take a 5 month sabbatical or anything like that, so in order to have this job as my own 5 months from now I had to stick out the 5 months. He also doesn't really need to worry about me while at school, though I am hoping he worries a little, it's nice to know he is thinking about me and all. Basically I don't want to get in his way while he's training, and if it were a longer period than 5 months I probably would have thought of going with him. I probably would have actually. Sorry, that's just a question I get a lot when they hear how long he's at school, and it's starting to drive me nuts. It definitely doesn't make me feel any better about this situation, so if that's what you're thinking please stop. OK, back on topic. The library job is a huge part of why I stay put. It's really helping me to think about what my next move is career wise and all of that. Unfortunately, I'm feeling stuck. Not like I'm stuck in some crappy job sort of thing, stuck as in I have ideas and I'm stuck on the whole where to move forward with them thing. So, here's the plan. I'm going to attempt to rattle off my ideas and if you are feeling particularly nice or if there is something I'm obviously missing you can shout it at me or something. I'm looking for just a little bit of help and a push in the right direction.

Here's what I'm wanting. It's the dream job, but I am so unsure where to start. Basically what I want to do is work on reading. Work on reading with all ages, but not in the how to read sort of way (though I can definitely help with that too). I want to work with kids while they're reading something for fun (yes, reading is fun!). I want to help them kind of find ways to look deeper into their reading. I want them to see foreshadowing and to use context clues. I want them to make inferences without making them feel like they are pulling their teeth out (that's kind of what it felt like for me at first). When I was a kid and I was homeschooled that wasn't really something we worked on. I didn't work a lot on summarizing what I read (from what I remember) or any of those inferences and such (I definitely did context clues though). I'm not saying that my mom was so terrible at teaching she skipped that part. I love how she encouraged us to read and put little pressure on us. But I'm just feeling like when I got to public school that was one area that I was behind on. I think my mom got so wrapped up in doing all these other things for us that it kind of just fell by the wayside. No biggie. I know my mom isn't the first homeschool parent that this has happend to, and I know she isn't the last. I want to be able to help with that particular area. Here's why I think it's important:

1. Kids do these things all the time. They are constantly using context clues, they are constantly looking for descriptions to use and are making inferences. They do these things without noticing it. It seems that once there is a label stuck on it, or once it's with a book and not a video game or movie they lose interest or seem to think it's hard work. I want to show kids they are perfectly capable of all of that with a book. It took me a long time to really master that, and I still struggle with it.

2. Reading increases intelligence. And working with these particular parts of reading helps even more. I want it to just become a habit for kids to really look into a character or a particular scene. It makes for more intelligent discussions, a stronger vocabulary, and I think it makes it easier for them to apply these things to real life. There's absolutely no reason that they can't do this. I think that without the pressure of a test and in a group smaller than a classroom they will learn and succeed at it.

3. It is kind of a big dea to know these things on the state tests as well as the ACTs. Kids will be much less stressed about all of this if they are able to do it in an environment that is stress free. It will be one less aspect of the test that they are worried about (trust me, I have intense test anxiety).

So now my big question is how. How do I accomplish this? Reading is something I'm very passionate about, and I know that anyone can be a reader. I don't gobble up books the way that I used to, but I still read. I still pull things out of it and learn many things from each and every book I pick up. I would love to do this in some sort of a small group setting. Maybe like a book club and have different age groups or even interest groups. I am also very into the idea of tutoring. I feel pretty confident in the Language Arts area and am more than willing to help people out whether they are private, public, or home schooled. My biggest concern right now is where to start. I would love to get involved with homeschoolers and the homeschooling community with this. I would love that. I just need to figure out what to do and how to accomplish that. How do I reach this goal and get paid for it? I don't know at all. So that's where you as readers come in. If anyone is reading this that is. Where do I go from here? Who do I talk to? I need help finding a starting off point, if there is one. Maybe I just picked something super impractical and need to start focusing on other areas of my life. 

This is what I want to do. I don't want to be a classroom teacher. A whole classroom of students is not my thing. Small groups and individuals, that's where I excel at my job I believe. I think I can give them all the help and attention they deserve, but that doesn't happen in a large group setting. I even can supply books!!!! 

So, people of the internet, where should I go from here?

Just two of my 4 bookshelves out of my personal library. Thanks to my husband for making them for me. 

Gatsby!

So, after two weeks of waiting after the release I finally saw The Great Gatsby, and I feel the reviews it's getting do not justify the movie. Most reviews are actually pretty negative, but there is so much to appreciate from this particular interpretation of the movie. Side note: I am in love with this book.

First, the soundtrack. Many people were not happy with it. I was definitely one of those that was not happy with it. I mean The Great Gatsby is set in the roaring 20's, so when you see that the soundtrack is filled with rap and hip-hop instead of jazz you kind of do a double take and start thinking poorly of the movie before even seeing it. This music, though totally unexpected, fit the movie quite well. First off, it was not overdone. I thought it would be like Jay-Z bumping in the speakers all the time and me asking where in the world this came from since Jay-Z wasn't even alive then. Instead they used it to explain parts of the plot to the audience. This is my second point, it is used to really show us just how hard they partied in the 20's. I think if they would have played jazz music for all these intense parties the audience would not have completely understood. But since they accompanied the party scenes with rap and hip-hop the audience was able to understand that they party just as hard as many people party today. I think the only way our generation can understand that is through the use of rap music. 

Second, Leonardo DiCaprio is the best Jay Gatsby in the world. Seriously, he was amazing. He deserves so much recognition for this role. He tapped into it so well. I need to stop going on and on about it, and you need to go see the movie to understand. I really feel like I missed out on drooling over Leo back in the day, mostly because of my hate for Titanic. He is wonderful in all his movies, and I think this is one of his best performances.

Third, the characters became so much more real and so much more understandable to the audience. I think that since there is that time gap we don't always understand what Fitzgerald is saying in the book, but it translated so well to film. I think that this finally made me see Gatsby as human and not just this high and mighty man that got whatever he wanted. In this film you see that, but you also see how unhappy it all makes him. And how once he has Daisy he is happy, but there is still something missing (seriously, they worked with that green light so much better than the old version of the movie). You see how much things bother and tear him apart when it doesn't go his way, and you are much more drawn to him. I typically don't have a favorite character in this story, but after this movie I was really drawn to Gatsby and wanted him to find his happiness  That didn't really happen in the book for me. I feel like for the book I wanted him to get what was coming to him. Then there's Daisy. I think Daisy is a hard character for anyone to portray because she is so much. She is an air head in my eyes, but yet completely aware of it. She is full of herself, selfish, and a bit manipulative. She is also unhappy. I think that it wasn't portrayed poorly in the movie. I mean I still ended up hating her at the end, but I didn't have the complete rage that I had with her at the end of the book. When I finished the book I had wished bad things on her because she was just a terrible person and toyed with everyone around her. Didn't quite get that from the movie.

AMAZING COSTUMES! Seriously, I loved them so much. That's pretty much all I have to say on that one.

I'm sure I could find more to say about the movie, but that is pretty much my main reactions after seeing it. I really did like it, but I am glad that I went into it with low expectations. I think that liking the book as much as I do I would have hated the movie if I had come into it with really high expectations. It is entertaining, a bit funny, and sad. Definitely worth seeing. So much of it was taken word for word from the book (I LOVED how they had the quote from the end of the book in the movie. It ends it so well) and I think they did a really good job putting it together. I'm sorry for hating on you Baz Lurhmann.

One negative comment....are you serious...Tobey Macguire? You couldn't have gotten anyone else to play the role of Nick Carraway. I cannot stand Toby Macguire. Terrible actor. I mean, have you SEEN SPIDERMAN??? ALL THREE OF THEM? Terrible.

ugh, just look at him. No good as Nick Carraway, or in any movie at that.

Now to end with my favorite song from the movie at this moment. Hope more people go to see it. Worth the time.