It's like I rediscovered TV

It's my birthday!! WHOOOOO! Another year older. It's been a nice, relaxing day filled with a mediocre cafe (well, their lunch menu was mediocre...the cheesecake I had was delicious), a romantic comedy, and finishing up my book (and now I'm waiting and anticipating the Walking Dead finale...EEK!)  

 

But THAT is not what my point for this particular blog entry is about. Today is about....My first week of TV for over a year!!!!!

Yep, I have not had any sort of TV for a little over a year. No dish, no cable, nothing but netflix and the internet (which has worked out fine...but some live things I have definitely missed). It was interesting to see what I would gravitate to during my first week of tv....

1. BASEBALL! Thank goodness for Spring Training. I have watched a baseball game a day. It's been fantastic (though I'm quite sad it hasn't ALWAYS been a Twins game..). I've really missed watching that and even though I may not get to watch those Twinkies I will get to watch a wide variety of teams.

2. The Today Show! Seriously...I have no idea why in the world I have been watching The Today show. I honestly don't care about any of it...AT ALL. But each morning by about 8 I had it on because I was already awake. Ridiculous, I know.... But I did watch just to see Shakira one day, so there was a reason once...

3. THE VOICE!!!!! I am SO pumped I have been able to watch it live this week. I normally have to watch like a day later, and I hated it. But HOORAY for being able to watch The Voice while it's happening! I really don't have much else to say about this one. No embarrassment at all.

4. Cupcake Wars... Yes....cupcake wars. How in the heck did I start watching that? I think I was kinda groggy and I though "OHHH I like cupcakes" and then decided that THIS was what I should be watching at the exact moment. They were doing cupcakes for Monster Trucks. Yes...because every time I see Monster Trucks I automatically think that I should find a cupcake. And the cupcakes had to be "manly" because men need manly cupcakes. I just...I dunno. It was stupid.

5. What Not To Wear! Again, not embarrassed. Seriously, can I submit myself to this show? I am sure my style is less than desirable AND who wouldn't love a $5,000 shopping spree. I could go by their rules. I could pretend to put up a fight. I could go for a full out makeover. Oh...that would be lovely. Though the rest on the shows on TLC suck. Seriously. Stacy and Clinton come save me!!!! AND COME BACK ON THE AIR!!!

6. Parks and Recreation. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT THIS HAD SOLID TWO HOUR BLOCKS ON VARIOUS CHANNELS????? Seriously, my life is complete! I love this series, and could watch all the episodes (well....minus the first season) over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. I love it.

7. Family Feud. Seriously. How could you not watch this if it's on. You don't technically have to pay attention. You can yell out the better answers when the contestants clearly have NO idea what they are talking about. You can discuss how awesome you'd be on the show. You could laugh as people do ridiculous things. It's awesome.

8. HARRY POTTER WEEKEND ON ABC FAMILY! I don't know what it is, but I ALWAYS watch HP when it's marathoning on ABC Family even though I own all the movies. I don't quite understand why in the world I would sit through this because there's all the commercials. But they have the extended scenes and this weekend they're showing behind the scenes looks at Captain American (but he's not my favorite so I don't know why I'm watching it still). I mean they have all those ads for the terrible TV shows that they show (seriously...what the heck is Twisted and why does that kid have the creepiest mustache in the world?). But yes, ABC Family knows me well. Now...to prepare myself for the heartbreaking end of Dobby :(

That's just a list of the few things that I've been watching. I've also DVR'd The Incredibles (uhm, why wouldn't I DVR that one). I've caught up on Vikings. I'm recording the season finale of Walking Dead. I've watched Friends (because that is now on TV just as much as Parks and Rec). I've watched the local news to try to understand WI. And...I've watched a Knight's Tale.

It probably sounds like I've done nothing but stare at my TV for the past week, but I promise I've accomplished other things. I've unpacked a lot of stuff (though there's still more to do). I've cooked. I've taken my car to get fixed (ugh...). I've gone out to lunch with my husband. I've finished a book. and....I FOUND A JOB. 

I think a lil TV watching is ok, at least to get it out of my system so that when I start my job and all it won't be all the time. Plus, I tend to have it on from time to time just for the noise.

Week two of TV will be a little less crazy I'm sure. 

Hello from Wisconsin!!

I've made it to Wisconsin, my new home. Never would have thought I'd utter that sentence. But, we all know I'd pick Wisconsin over Iowa any day (no offense to anyone I may know from Iowa, but I just don't get that state...). It has been an adjustment, and it's still sinking in that I'm here. I do miss the good old state of MN, and all the things I was used to. Here's a few observations I've made about Wisconsin thus far:

1. Will I EVER get used to Wisconsin apparel being sold in a store instead of Minnesota Apparel? Seriously, I miss seeing my Twins in Target. Unrelated, do people here REALLY like the Brewers? Or do they cheer on another team? This is a serious question. I am not saying anything bad about the Brewers, I've just not been seeing a lot of Brewers apparel like I would Twins apparel in MN.

2. THERE IS BOOZE EVERYWHERE! Seriously, I can go to Target and get beer (and not just like crap beer, good beer) and other beverages of the alcoholic variety any day of the week! Not saying I'm boozing it up in Wisconsin or anything, but it sure is much more easily accessible here.

3. What is it with roundabouts here? I mean there are a ton where I am but I had to make my way through quite a few when I was moving over here on Friday. And man, are they confusing. Seriously. I was so lucky I was following someone or else I would have been lost and on my way to Lake Michigan or something.

4. Since being here I have observed a lot of stores and restaurants that you don't really see a lot anymore, and I am curious as to how they are successful. For example...the Sears here is still open and busy. Also, there are a ton of A&W's here. All things that I have seen get closed down. Bizarro. 

5. My husband discovered a really random restaurant that we ate at the other day. The building was clearly just a house at one point, but a spacious house. So the owner has transformed it into a restaurant. Oh, did I say just a restaurant? I meant that it has been transformed into a Mexican Restaurant. Yes. The food was pretty good, and pretty cheap. But the thing that totally threw me was when she asked if we had room for dessert. She didn't ask about dessert, she said "Did you guys save room for one of our homemade cupcakes?" Yes, this restaurant sells cupcakes. Massive cupcakes. Apparently they just opened a coffee shop within the restaurant not too long ago, and she sells giant, delicious cupcakes. She only had 4 different kinds, but I had the hardest time decided. I ended up going with the Root Beer Float cupcake. Yes, the giant mountain on the top is SOLID FROSTING. Not only that, but there was frosting in the middle as well. It's a bit embarrassing, but I demolished the entire thing.

Now those things are not meaning to say that I don't like it here, or can't like it here. I'm adjusting. It is quite the adjustment. I mean it just hasn't hit me yet that this is my home for who knows how long. On the bright side I love my apartment. I think it's only slightly smaller than my house. It's not super drafty. There aren't critters in the walls. Theres a gas fireplace that keeps this place nice and toasty (which really shouldn't be necessary at this point of the year, but that is a different story. My laundry room is right next to my bedroom. There's a dishwasher. We have TV (that may have to be a whole other post....my first week with TV). We have a garage. Really, quite nice. And I've been making some progress as far as unpacking and getting things situated goes (note: some progress. I'm still trying to remind myself that this is where I'll be living).

SEE! Progress!!

I really should get back to unpacking, but I am pretty sure I'm going to call it quits for the day. To be fair, I brought up some fairly heavy boxes today (seriously, books make for heavy boxes. We have a lot of books). I promise I've been productive. I've sent out resumes and everything! Looking for a job AND unpacking is pretty exhausting, I must say. 

Well, I just wanted to write a little update. Hopefully I have some much more exciting things to say later on this week. I really do want to keep family and friends back home up to date on how I'm doing and all that is going on for us. Keep us in your prayers as we continue to adjust to living here.

Oh...I did save the best for last...

Apparently there has been a crazy spreading through. Apparently people here suffer from...OCD. Yes, Obsessive Cullen Disorder.

I promise that is what the bumper sticker says. I realize it's low quality, and I apologize. This is not the only bizarre things that I've seen on cars. Some of the custom license plates have made me shake my head, a lot. I just...I just HAD to share this one. 

And now....a song that I cannot stop listening to. Darn those guilty pleasures.

It's all happening so quickly.

So....guess who's moving....in three days..

Yep, I am. I'm moving about 4 and a half hours away from my hometown. I've been saying my goodbyes (though we ALL know that I'll be back to visit. I'm not just going to leave this area and never come back. I don't think that's possible.) and I've finished up at my job and have been packing all week so that we're reading to load up and head out on FRIDAY. This has seriously been the longest/shortest week ever. There's so much I want to do, but don't have time. And yet there's so much I have to do that I'm running out of time for. It's crazy. I honestly can't accurately explain what is all going on in my head. I'm so excited, yet I'm also pretty sad to be leaving. It's not easy to leave what's familiar. And, let's be honest, it's pretty rare for anyone from our area of small towns to move more than an hour or two away. Seriously, I tell people where I'm moving and they are absolutely shocked that I could ever move that far (which doesn't always help my nerves, but I understand that they don't mean their response to be that way.). It's hard, because I'm leaving so much behind. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't spent a good portion of the last week crying for various reasons.

I've been comfortable here. I've loved my jobs, even if they were part time. I loved being close to my family and my husband's family. They've been so helpful, especially when Jake was gone at all of his military training. Honestly, he and I have hardly lived together over the past year and both of our families have been so helpful. I have some amazing friends in this area (but, let's be honest. We're GOING to make this whole distance thing work. DUH.). I have my own routine with my Zumba class (which I am SO sad about leaving), my church, my favorite small town cafe, and everything else around here. It's so hard to leave. But, I'm starting to think that maybe I'm too comfortable. I feel like I'm not really moving anywhere, and that's why I think this move is SO important for me. I think I need to be pushed out of that comfort zone a bit (or a lot. Let's be honest, getting pushed out of your home state is kind of scary). There's something out there for me, and this move is definitely the start of it. I have never felt the presence of God in my life more than I do now. I mean the move has come together fairly smoothly. We found our apartment quickly. We found a rather large supply of boxes. It was an easy transition out of both of my jobs, and at one of the libraries they found someone right away that could transition right in (which was a little hard to see, I have to admit. I was so glad to see that they wouldn't be struggling to fill it and she is super nice and will be a great fit, but is it ever fun to meet your replacement? No). I have been getting so much support from friends and family as I struggle to pack and getting everything in order for it. You all seriously have no idea how much of a blessing you have been. Whether you have been bringing me coffee, working out with me, or just hanging out with me and giving me a packing break...it has all been a HUGE blessing to me. Thank you so much.

I guess I mostly wanted to update to kind of give reasoning as to why we were moving besides Jake's job. I sometimes worry that people think I just follow him around like a puppy or something. Some of the people have looked less than convinced that I was for this move when I told them, and I guess I kind of want it all set straight. I seriously feel like this is a huge God thing, and it will be so good for us. I am so excited, but I am definitely getting pretty emotional about it as well. I mean I grew up here. I have a friends and family here. There are so many memories of my dad, and I can't say that I haven't been scared that those memories will feel less real when I'm not here. I mean, even the street I live on now holds memories of him. That's been weighing on me pretty heavily lately, which seems silly I know. I know it's a ridiculous thing to even think about, but it's definitely crossed my mind. I know it'll all be ok. I will definitely miss this small town. I mean, on Monday I had to run errands in town and all I had to do was walk a block to city hall and continue down Main Street just finishing each errand. I can just walk to Area 57 and grab a lunch, and normally they know exactly what I want. Or if I walk in and look confused they know exactly what I'll like. I have Jake's family 4 blocks away. My family is about 5 miles away (well except for those darn siblings of mine, but college will do that). I have friends within 20 minutes of my house (though...now they'll be at least 4 and half hours...). I live an hour away from the Twin Cities and those fantastic MN Twins that I will NEVER stop cheering for (sometimes I just don't cheer as loudly and offer constructive criticism. And yes, me saying "Just bench Plouffe already" definitely counts as constructive criticism...right???). This is all new, and it's not the easiest. But I know for a fact that God doesn't always make things easy, but when He has a plan it's going to work out exactly how He intends it to.

So now I just want to thank you all. To all those that have been praying for us, helping us, and encouraging us...thank you so much. You have been such a blessing for us during this process. Thank you so much. Please keep us in your prayers. I still need a job, and it's going to be a definite adjustment for both of us. But we encourage visitors (once we get unpacked and stuff obviously)! And we have a lot of different occasions to be back for throughout the coming year, or we can create occasions for me to come back for. I am actually going to attempt to keep this fairly up to date. I know, shocker. I just realize that I am moving away from pretty much everyone I know, so I would love to be able to keep you up to date on how things are going in the land of cheese. But feel free to keep in touch with me too! Facebook me. Email me. Call me. Text me. Facetime me. Snapchat me. Skype me. Seriously, with technology these days we have so many ways to keep in contact, we just have to make a little time in our schedules to do so. Or we could get creative and go all Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, except maybe not with pants. I was a little weirded out that a pair of jeans just magically fit four completely different girls. And that they would send it all over the world to feel close to their best friends. And that they wouldn't wash them because they were scared to lose the magic. I love the sentiment behind it. I love that story in general, but really...pants?

That's pretty much all I have to say in that area. I can't promise that future blog posts will be interesting. They might be what I'm reading, what TV show I love, how much cheese I've eaten (I am moving to Wisconsin...that's a thing they do right and not just a stereotype?), random ridiculous thoughts or maybe slightly serious thoughts. Who knows where this will go. But my goal for this move is to keep in touch. Because it is entirely possible these days, and we just have to make a little time for it. We make time for so many pointless things during the day, and the fact that we waste time staring at monitors and playing games that can wait over trying to stay in touch with others is ridiculous. Being busy with actual things is understandable, but being busy keeping up what that Bieber kid is doing now a days is not (unrelated, I haven't heard much. Has he decided to stop acting like and idiot and grow up? I sure hope so).

Well, I'm going to attempt to catch up on The Voice so that next week I can be on schedule with it since I WILL HAVE TV! I am pretty excited for that. Not because I'm addicted to TV, but because there have been things (BASEBALL, and other live events) that I really wish I could have seen that night instead of a day or two after the fact. Thank you all so much.

I really love Emeli Sande lately. Her songs are really well done, and most have a fairly positive message. And in the days of Beyonce saying that being a sex object is a positive thing I find this really nice.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Yea...we won't call this a comeback just yet. We'll just call this being wide awake and such and see where it goes from there. Maybe I could make this a thing, but meh. We shall see.

So lately I've been feeling kind of nostalgic. I am 99% sure that this is because I am moving away from my hometown area and starting completely fresh. I have just three more shifts left at the job that I love and then I'm unemployed. And then I pack up all my belongings and move four hours away with my husband. I am so excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm also a little sad. It's sad to leave this job, and it's kind of sad to be leaving the area I am so familiar with. But I have never felt more strongly in my decision to do so. But that is not the point of my writing, the point is nostalgia. It all started with listening to some emo-ish sounding music that I listened to a lot in my high school days (thanks Bert McCracken). I later moved on to something else. Something else that got me through so many difficult times...dance. Now that is not to say that I whipped out some fancy dance number in my house and felt better about everything. I just decided that whatever movie I watch it had to involve dancing. So I turned to Dirty Dancing.

I must apologize before I go further into this, I am sorry to all of my high school friends and any one else that may have heard me utter the phrase "I don't really like Dirty Dancing." I had this issue where it was hyped up wayyyyy too much. And I expected the world from it, but then was let down. But no worries, I love it now. Just for the dancing (but not for the like grinding stuff, no one needs that). Which made me start making a mental list of just SOME of my FAVORITE dance scenes in movies. So...that's what I'm going to do now. Some (of the MANY) excellent dance scenes in movies. These are in no particular order at all....

Clearly this number makes the cut. Even when I was all anti-Dirty Dancing I thought this particular scene was awesome. The dancing is fun, and obviously the lift is amazing. It just ends the movie on such a high note, and mmmmaaaaaannnnn, nice moves Swayze. Try to tell me this one is not awesome, I dare you. Next...

Another "NO DUH" comes from this final number in Center Stage. I just remembers LOVING those red pointe shoes and just dreaming of having my own. My lack of fellow students that wanted to do pointe in my dance classes kind of crushed that dream, a lot. But seriously, this routine is so awesome. It's not set to the typical classical music (which is one of those HUGE deals in this movie) and it is high energy. I love this movie (this was my other choice to watch tonight, but my husband said no). The acting is terrible, there's no way around that. But the dancing....OHHHHH the dancing. It's excellent. I also love that jazz dance in the studio. The whole for fun dance that she just picked up in an afternoon. It's fantastic. This movie is worth watching, if only for the dancing.

I know that there are people that cannot stand this movie, but I love it. Chicago was one of my favorites for a LONG time, and this particular scene is just awesome. There's so much going on and the dancing is so great, I could watch it over and over again. Seriously, just watching this scene again makes me want to watch the movie. I may be a bit partial to this particular movie because I remember one of my favorite dances from dance class was All That Jazz, but I always liked this one.

Oh man, this one is my favorite. I love this musical and try to watch it every Christmas. How is she so fantastic at dancing? And why does no one dance like this anymore? I just love it so much. I'm sure there are other numbers that show off her dancing even better. I know there are, but I just love this one so much. It's catchy, and she's just too good. I wish I was better at describing how I feel about this, but seriously I just sit and watch it and sing along as she dances. It's so good.

I think that 4 should be my limit for now. I know there are SOOOO many other good dance numbers from movies, and I love to watch them. They've definitely helped me out a bit tonight as I'm stressing about moving and thinking about how I'll miss being in this area. Any others to add? We could create a whole list of them. I'm going to end with this video. I think it's a nice list of SOME excellent dance movies, though I wish the narrator would shut up a bit. Definitely gave me a few more to add to my list.

HOME STRETCH!!!!!

Oh Hi there. Long time to see?
Before I start, this is just something that is on my mind that I need to share. So even though that's the main point of it all I also am attempting to try to blog again...at least a little more than I do now? So, slightly personal but also an attempt to get myself back into writing attempts...Just want it to be completely and totally clear before I dive right in with everything. Because this has been on my mind lately, and I feel like I need to clear the air a bit in a way and to share this as well. I think it's something worth sharing.

Anywho...

I just spent the last couple of days with my husband. He had a long weekend down at BOLC so we made the plans for me to take today off and to spend Friday-Monday down there. Lots of driving on Friday and Monday, but all worth it. It was a really great weekend. Seriously. I haven't actually spent time with him since Labor Day weekend, and that weekend was not just me and him that often. It was shared with a lot of family members, which I am totally ok with because I know he wanted to see them all too. But this past weekend was mostly just us, with the occasional hanging out with some buddies of his which is cool. Great weekend. Definitely the pick-me-up that I needed to get me through the home stretch (WE'RE ON THE HOME STRETCH GUYS!!!!!!! In 25 days we'll be done with the two states for long periods of time thing...I hope. But who's counting?). But, of course, I got pretty weepy towards the end because I honestly didn't want to leave. It's one of those crazy moments where you've been apart from someone you are so close to for a while that you kind of easily get back into the way things were. Like we can keep joking all we want about not being used to having the other one around, but I know that I at least got used to it fast and got pretty upset when it had to end. And I tend to get upset a lot when it has to end. Over the past 5ish months I have seen him 3 times. It's hard. But, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about how I approach this situation and what I've been taking out of it.

I know there are people dealing with situations much harder than this. I mean, we've been just tackling 5 months where we are able to talk fairly regularly and we have been able to see each other a couple of times. I know that as far as situations with military families go, this is one of the more ideal ones. I totally get that. And I am amazed at the strength of those that have to deal with longer separations with little to no communications. Seriously, you all are amazing. So strong. I can't even imagine. I admire that strength. But, that doesn't mean that this situation isn't hard on a person either. Just in a different way. And it is something I would be dealing with in a complete and total different way if the communication were less or the time apart was longer. You go about all of these situations differently I think, and in all honesty I think I've been doing pretty well on this one. Could I have done better, yes. But I could have also done worse.

I am just amazed at everything that has happened over the past few months. At least for me personally, because I can't completely speak for him. These past few months have been so much proof of how God uses situations like this to work on something in us that we didn't really think was an issue. I don't really want to go into detail because the issues I've been working on are more personal to me, but I have seen such an improvement just in the quality of days that I have been having and the amount of stress that I have been experiencing as well. If you know me well enough, you know that I stress. A lot. I've gotten so stressed about things that my hair literally starts to fall out. It's ridiculous. But over the past year even I have seen proof of God providing for us in our lives, especially if I just throw all those worries and cares and stresses over to Him. I mean we have a great deal on a HOUSE to rent (we are actually paying just slightly more than we did for a teeny, tiny one bedroom apartment during school. It's awesome). He provided me with a job opportunity when I was feeling a bit desperate. And it was a job opportunity out of the blue that I did not expect, and I absolutely love it. He has provided us with funds and we have never fully gone without. It's amazing what faith in Him can do, and these few months I feel mine getting stronger and stronger, and I think that this situation is a huge part of it. I think that by putting Jake and I in different states for a few months I found that I needed to really have faith that it'll all work out, and so far it has. I dunno, I just feel like after this weekend I have seen some really cool things in our lives that probably only could have really worked if we were apart. It kind of is weird to think about, but it's also really reassuring that God had this in mind the whole time.

Of course, I still have some time left of being apart. But I am so interested to see just what will happen with me personally in that time. I'm interested to see just where God takes us from here. And I can't wait to be done with the separation stuff. Because honestly, it's been so long since we have been in the same state for a month straight.

So basically, I just felt that this was really worth sharing. I know I complain about being alone. I get lonely, it happens. I still don't 100% like this situation at all. It's not in my top 10 most awesome moments of my life. Not even close, but there's always something to learn from each and every situation. There's always something that God has in mind for you during the good and the bad. And I don't mean to throw my opinions and beliefs in your face in any way. I can't stand when people do that, because doing that will not convince any one to more to your side. I am just stating facts. Vague facts about what has been going on in my life during something that has not been easy on me at all. I would love to talk about it more, so feel free to ask or something like that. If you think it's a bunch of bologna, then I'm sorry. I just really wanted to share. I am just amazed and what God can do for me, even through all my tears.

Songs I can't ever skip (Summer 2013 edition)

Maybe I should make my own separate playlist of just these songs. Though I don't know how that would go. Would I never be able to listen to anything else? I'd definitely have to listen to the entire thing. These are songs I just can't ever seem to skip this summer when they come up on my Spotify. 

Amy Winehouse- You Know I'm No Good

She had an incredible voice and incredible talent. It's really too bad the way her life went. But this song is awesome.

M83- Midnight City

I feel bad for you if you haven't listened to this song yet, because you don't know the awesomeness that you are about to experience by hitting play.

Lorde- Royals

How in the world is this girl only 16? Seriously. This song may be getting overplayed on the radio at the moment, but its too good not to play.

Avicii- Wake Me Up

This song is just awesome. I can't get enough of it.

Daft Punk- Get Lucky and Instant Crush

I have loved this song since the album came out, actually a little before that. So good. So catchy, and if its ever on I'm jamming along with it. Nice work Daft Punk and Pharrell.

Instant Crush is also fantastic. This album in general is pretty good, but I love this song as well.

Anything JT

Seriously, how can you resist this voice? Oh, that's right, you can't.

Robin Thicke- Blurred Lines (ahhh so terrible)

Seriously, this song is raunchy. I don't recommend listening to it if you don't want to hear a raunchy song or watch girls parade around looking pretty stupid in all honesty. But the song is so catchy. Pharrell does it again.

Ellie Goulding- Burn

I am in love with this song. This is how you do a party song (yes, I'm talking to you Miley Cyrus). It's so catchy, and I can't help but dance around to it.

Civil Wars- The One that Got Away

This album in general is fantastic, but this song is amazing. I love these guys and am so glad that made another album

ZZ Ward- Put the Gun Down

Her voice is awesome.

AWOLNATION- Sail

I really don't know why I like this song, but I do. Don't question it please.

Capital Cities- Safe and Sound

I also don't quite get why I like this song (besides it being awesome).

Imagine Dragons- Radioactive

This song is awesome. I can't believe I almost forgot it. Stupid, stupid me.

It seems I included a fairly wide range of songs (though I may have skipped a few genres, but oh well). 

Happy end of summer everyone! Enjoy the last few days of it.

Because who needs to sleep at night?

Ok, first...a question. How in the world am I a follower of my own blog? That just seems a bit ridiculous. I guess every so often you have to keep up with what's going on in your own life? Weird. Thanks internet for making it possible for me to follow myself. Awesome.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing here at the moment. My head is kind of spinning and some of it I think needs to be talked through to a human being and not onto the internet for all to see and judge me by. I realize that I seem to tackle the big "what should I do with my life" question a lot lately. And I'm sorry if people get sick of reading all of that. It's just a big thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. I think I need to stay put for now, and see what happens when Jake comes back and what his job situation is going to be. I am starting to feel like I can't get settled again. Like I need to be prepared to move off somewhere else and everything. I honestly don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It's just a thought that's really been tugging at me lately. And I am sure someone is reading this and saying I need to get a full time job and yadda yadda, chill. Please, just chill. I work a lot, and I love what I'm doing. And I'm trying to incorporate it into a live-able situation for now until Jake and I decide what's next, because we may love it here but we need to figure out what our lives look like when he gets home and his next step. Sorry, that was a little rant. I have been getting asked A LOT lately about what I'm going to be doing. It's like it's hard for people to wrap their brains around the fact that I'm doing something right now. I'm not just sitting here all day. I'm not in front of my computer constantly. I'm working, and trying to see what else I can be doing so I'm not sitting here forever.

I'm definitely going back and forth about what I should do to add on to the library job though. I'm definitely thinking of trying to add tutoring into my weekly schedule. With school starting up it may be difficult to get figured out at first, but I think I could make it work. I'm just not sure where to start. So if anyone has any ideas on where to start with it all then that would be a huge help. Thanks. I am also in search of places where I can be a positive role model. One of the hardest things for me to deal with while student teaching was that there were so many kids with terrible home lives and no positive role models in their lives. A teacher can only do so much, because they have 20 some other students that also need their attention. I want to help those kids that need that positive role model. I don't want to get into the middle of any possible messy situations that they may be having with someone in their lives, but I want to help them where I can. I feel just awful when I see kids that are stuck in situations that aren't giving them any chance to move forward with their lives and to become more than what they were born into. I want to help kids like that and to become someone that could be a dependable adult in their lives. That is one of the reasons that I thought going into education would be a good idea, but the further I got into it the more I realized that getting to accomplish that can be the most difficult part because there are so many other aspects of teaching (and so many that I am not able to wrap my head around or agree with at all). I respect those teachers that can accomplish that goal. Seriously, you are amazing people. I just feel like I'm being called on to be more. More than a teacher, if that makes sense. I dunno. I'm still brainstorming (ha, teacher term there eh?). My head is just all over the place.

I really need my husband to be home. I just feel overwhelmed and like I'm not really able to fully settle, if that makes sense. I haven't felt like I've been able to really settle in a long time, and I really want that.

It's crazy to think that summer is nearly over. Though, I'm actually really pumped for these kids to go back to school. You can definitely tell at a library when the parents are ready to get rid of their kids. The book to move ratio of items being returned and requested is definitely completely different than the beginning of the summer. Way more movies. I've really had a good summer, despite Jake being elsewhere. I get to travel a bit to see him (though I can stay the drive is super exciting. It's so boring). I've had so many people helping to make sure that I'm not sitting on my butt being lonely all the time. I've tried new things. I've literally been gone every single weekend for the last 2 months. It's so weird, and though I've loved it I am definitely ready for things to settle down a little bit.

Blech, sorry guys. That sucked. I'll try again tomorrow. I'll maybe tell you something awesome about something cool if that's possible. I've just got a lot on my mind today, and this has helped a little bit I guess.

I'll end with a song. Because that is the best way to end a blog. Especially one that is basically word vomit.

Because for some reason I can't stop listening to this song. I mean I've liked it for awhile, but man.